You can choose what you say, how you ask for something, what boundary you set and whether you stay in a conversation. You cannot choose how another person will feel about those choices.

That distinction sounds simple but is difficult in practice, especially when we fear rejection or conflict. We then search for the “perfect” approach that will guarantee a good response.

There is no such guarantee. There is only the possibility of taking responsibility for your side as clearly as you can.

When you feel confused, make two columns: “mine” and “not mine”. Sometimes simplicity shows how much weight you have been carrying that was never yours.